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Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
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He hates when I cry. I hate when i cry in front of him. I'm not crying cause im afarid i'll never see him again, im past that point, im simply crying cause i am going to miss him.He hides his tears well and in a way that made me feel safe. I felt that it was his way of saying that he wasnt scared cause he was confident that he was going to come home. I said my goodbyes to him alone. I made sure it was fast, i made sure he didnt see my face. This isnt fair. We are the ones who are supposed to be strong. Hes not supposed to worry about us. One day I'll be strong. I swear.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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I will be damn if I let anyone see me cry....but as the weeks dwindle down to days I find myself breaking down more than my mother. I'm a mess, but Im doing an amazing job of avoiding reality, and the reality is he leaves tomorrow, and I'm not at all prepared. Hes strong, but when I look into his eyes I can see hes scared. He sees all his family and friends that he wants to one day come back home to, but he knows war is never promising. Aside all the sadness comes the most amazing friends and family that I could ever ask for. I will hold my head high and put Dashboard and Saves the Day on pause until your return...
"Down on my knees again tonight, Im hoping this prayer will turn out right, there is a boy that needs your help, I've done all that I can do myself, his mother is tired. I try to be stong and see him through. God, all he needs right now is you. Let him grow old and live life without this fear. What would I be living without him here. Hes so tired, and hes scared, let him know that you are there."
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 1:30 pm. |
| Mood: |  high. |
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The day is fast-ly approaching.
Friday morning we leave for Lake Okoboji, and by we I mean ( Steve, Lee, Heather, Micheal, Dena, Ryan, and Erik) the most amazing kids ever.
Next saturday will be Eriks going away party at my parents house 2 pm -whenever there will easily be over 200 + attending this fiesta. All are welcome.
Then the 11th we will be in Waterloo to see him and the rest of the marines depart.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 16th, 2005
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| Time: | 6:05 pm. |
| Mood: | high. |
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Sit across from you, why are we even here? There is no way to make up for the 20 years. I love trying to make conversation when I could careless of what you're doing, what are you doing? And I know you never cared 'till now. All my days go back to when you would scream. And it froze me. Guess the screaming runs in the family. You look tired and run-down. Are you even excited to see your baby boy?
Put a razor to the skin 'till we don't resemble each other anymore. Sit across from you, why are we even here? There is no way to make up for the 20 years. So now I see the tears welling up, finally you care I've waited all my life for this. It's always been over, it's always been over for us. A single tear, a last resort for all who've never felt. If I could flip this table I'd stab you with every word that lied its way out of your head.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 7th, 2005
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I've been searching/applying for jobs all day, and to be honest I'm contemplating moving back home. I like to be financially comfortable, who doesn't?
Bills have gone up and this part time, shit pay, half way across Iowa bull shit isn't going to cut it. Whoa.
Soooo Erik got orders to leave. I brushed it off when he told me. He's gotten orders before, no set dates, and they all fell through, this was just another false alarm, Right?
The dates set and he will be deployed to Iraq in June.
I need some Tela time.
I miss my Zmuda <3
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 4:10 pm. |
| Mood: | high. |
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Its official. My updating skills will never be the same.
Saturday was Gabriel and Isabellas Birthday party. We hired a clown for the kids, but in the end got us adults to do some pretty ridicouls shit. I took pictures. Unfortunately I don't have time/I'm too lazy to post them.
Easter was nice, but no easter basket. ITS A MUTHA FUCKIN TRADITION!
Daryl made me my first mixed tape ever!
And Wednesday the mess crew heads out to make yet another scene.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 12th, 2005
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I hate this, and I'm left telling you this on my journal cause who knows when you'll call me.
Am I losing you? -RTZ
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 5th, 2005
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I don't care what anyone says, I still think Bert McCracken is one hot mutha.
Toned down the journal a little bit. Plain, yet simple.
Went through my past entrys last night and I realized I miss this mug. I want to start updating more with pictures and all that jazz. No promises.
The wifes coming home in a week for spring break. I'm stoked.
I'm way past due for a lifestyle change.
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Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 21st, 2005
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I put the finishing touches on my newly redesigned room. Now it feels more like..home?
Thanks to a certain someone I have been thinking/analyzing way too much these past couple days and it comes down to this, I need to grow up. Yes, I admit it, and No, I AM NOT going to dwell on this any longer, I cant!
In my opinion you have more growing up to do than anyone. So I leave you with this final note from me.
I realized my mistake. Have you?
Tomorrows promising. Ryan, Ryan, Micheal, Joanna, Erik, Chris, Dena, and I are getting together for our weekly drinks, dancing, games, and embarrassing morning after digi cam play backs. Priceless.
Saturday: Monster Truck Show?
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
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I'll be your best kept secret, and your biggest mistake.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
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Whats up fresh , it’s our turn baby. Gator boots, with the pimped out gucci suit ain’t got no job, but I stay sharp. Can’t pay my rent, cause all my money’s spent, but thats ok, cause I’m still fly. Got a quarter tank gas in my new e-class, but that’s alright cause I’m gon’ ride. Got everything in my moma’s name, but I’m hood rich da dada dada da.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
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| Time: | 12:00 am. |
| Mood: | high. |
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We're doing the "Family" Chirstmas thing on Friday.
I have 8 people to buy for.
It's now Wednesday and I haven't even started on my Christmas shopping.
Everyone loves a slacker.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 13th, 2004
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I'm so freakin stoked. I was scheduled to work today and i just got word that I dont have to! I worked 60 hours last week + made bouns so that equals to one fuckin fat pay check. My last day is Friday and I leave for Kansas City on Saturday. Right as of now I'm as happy as a fattie in an all you can eat buffet line bitches. I'm going shopping.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 26th, 2004
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I'm so down. My whole family went back home to Kansas City for Thanksgiving and I'm stuck here working. I think the thing that makes it the hardest to digest is knowing that I'm not going to be able to go home for Christmas either. This is pathetic my family comes before my work! I miss everyone like crazy.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, November 8th, 2004
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Oh TelaBaby: What have u beeen up to?
shes brutal: The usual. working, sleeping around with random guys, getting my daily dose of dieseses.
Oh TelaBaby: Who have u been sleeping with???
shes brutal: I was just kidding
shes brutal: That's what I would be doing if I had a life outside of work.
Ya shits lame
Sup
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
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| Time: | 6:26 pm. |
| Mood: | high. |
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Ok so I know I don't live in Pleasant Hill anymore, but I had to keep it. I'm marrying Michele?? for fuck sake, we fuck 56 fucking times! I have a fling with Rachel, and Felicia wants my ass. Hot shit
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, October 8th, 2004
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| Time: | 10:47 am. |
| Mood: | high. |
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My whole weekend is ruined. Originally I was to work 11-8 on Saturday and I had sunday off but I was going to switch times with mary and work the 9-5 shift and head up to UNI early for the insane homecoming parties. Now I have to work 11-8 at the studio and 9-1 at the Gap and on top of that I dont even get sunday off cause I have to go into the studio and work 12-7. Bitches and hoes. Sorry Felicia.
Tonight maybe do a little of this
and go to haunted houses.
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 27th, 2004
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| Time: | 4:17 pm. |
| Mood: | high. |
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So Taking Back Sunday and Fall Out Boy are playing in Iowa City tomorrow. A little late notice, but not sold out.
They are also playing in Minneapolis on the 1ST and Chicago on the 2ND enough notice, but they are sold out. La la la lame.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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I made orange kool-aid last night. Afroocan American style beotch.
Yesteday also marked my one month anniversary of being sick. If I'm not better in 6 more days I have to go back to the doctor.
The lovely wife is coming home this weekend.
I bought a sassy pair of pants today, my normal size but way too big. Yay for being sick. Plus a purse. I should have bought my Diesels.
My thumb nails getting ready to fall off. I need to get them filled. I'm never going to Tony's again!
One week late, but It's going out tomorrow Nigel. No promises on this one cause I broke my last one.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, September 12th, 2004
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4 hours too many at a strip club and I reek of something nasty. Lets do it again bitches!
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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yourxbloodxbath's journal
depressed.
hopeful.